


Varmit

by justdk



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: College!Adam, Fluff, M/M, completely ridiculous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-30
Updated: 2017-07-30
Packaged: 2018-12-08 18:17:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11652045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justdk/pseuds/justdk
Summary: “Ronan, what in tarnation is that thing doing in the house?” Adam’s Henrietta accent is so thick that Ronan snorts in amusement.“She’s not a thing, Parrish,” Ronan replies, looking far too smug. “Her name is Razortooth. The Fearless.”The creature in Ronan’s arms hisses, displaying a truly fearful mouth of teeth. Adam shudders and takes a step back.





	Varmit

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Pynch Week 2017, Day 1 Prompt: Something New

“Ronan, what in tarnation is that _thing_ doing in the house?” Adam’s Henrietta accent is so thick that Ronan snorts in amusement.

“She’s not a _thing_ , Parrish,” Ronan replies, looking far too smug. “Her name is Razortooth. The Fearless.”

The creature in Ronan’s arms hisses, displaying a truly fearful mouth of teeth. Adam shudders and takes a step back.

“Well, where I’m from, we call things like that _varmits_.”

Ronan holds Razortooth up, staring into her beady black eyes. “She _is_ a varmit,” he agrees, “but she’s my varmit.”

“God.” Adam sighs and edges around Ronan and his frightening animal. “What are you going to dream up next? A raccoon?”

Ronan scowls. “Raccoons are badass. They look like bandits and they have hands!”

“They have paws,” Adam corrects. He pulls the milk out of the fridge and Razortooth perks up, scrambling over Ronan’s arms and leaping onto the counter, charging at Adam. Adam lets out an alarmed yelp and jumps back, the milk spilling along the counter and onto the floor. “Jesus!”

Razortooth immediately starts lapping up the milk, snarling and growling.

Adam joins Ronan and they just stare at the little possum, her naked tail flicking back and forth while she drinks.

“What does Chainsaw think of her?” Adam asks. He hasn’t seen the raven yet and that’s odd; usually Chainsaw and Opal follow Ronan everywhere.

Ronan sighs. “She’s pouting. Won’t come down from the old oak tree out back. I told her that Razortooth is nocturnal so she won’t be around all day but…” Ronan shrugs. He doesn’t like that his creatures aren’t getting along though he can’t blame Chainsaw, she’s used to being the favorite first born.

The truth is that Razortooth inherited all of Ronan’s angst and she’s the grouchiest, scrappiest, and most terrifying of all his dream creatures, including the night horrors. During the day she likes to hang upside down in the rafters of the cattle barn, looking sweet and peaceful. At night she goes on the prowl, scavenging and patrolling the grounds. If Ronan is awake, which is quite often the case, she’ll stay near him. Ronan can’t decide if her behavior is possum-like or what he thought possums were like; mostly she behaves like a hungover cat with a grudge against the world. She attacks any books that are left out, shreds rugs, gnaws on everything, gets up in the highest places, breaks into cupboards, and kicks over dishes. The amount of destruction that this five-pound animal can cause is truly legendary.

Razortooth and Adam do not get on but this is mostly because Adam cannot see her charms, which, admittedly, are hidden very deep. He is not charmed by her leaving poison ivy on his pillow. He is livid when she chews up one of his textbooks. She steals his shirts and Ronan finds them later, cunningly hidden in the rafters where she sleeps. She eats all of Adam’s favorite cereal. She is, Adam tells Ronan, a pest.

Adam is actually a little relieved to go back to school after his fall break at the Barns. He’s going to miss Ronan, of course, and Opal and Chainsaw, but he is _not_ going to miss Razortooth, the partially furred nightmare from Ronan’s mind. When he gets back to the dorms he finds that he has a series of texts from Ronan which is definitely unusual. Apparently Razortooth is missing. Adam calls Ronan and stays on the phone while Ronan searches all over the Barns. Meanwhile Adam heats up some ramen and unpacks his book bag and unzips the duffle with all his clothes. The microwave _dings_ and Adam goes to retrieve his noodles from the kitchen area. When he returns he finds his freshly washed T-shirts all over the floor.

“Uh, Ronan, something weird is going on…” Adam says, setting down the ramen and peeking into his duffle. It’s empty. He checks under the bed. Nothing. “What in the world?” he mumbles to himself. He turns just in time to see Razortooth pounce from the ceiling fan onto his desk and bury her face in the ramen.

“Holy shit!” Adam shouts, startling Razortooth.

“What the fuck, man?!” Ronan yells. “Did you just fucking swear?” He’s laughing but Adam’s too shocked to care.

“Ronan! Your varmit stowed away in my duffle bag! She’s eating my ramen!”

Now Ronan is howling in laughter. Adam can hear Chainsaw croaking an imitation of his laugh and Opal’s high-pitched shrieks. He’s starting to wonder if this was a plot on the part of the other dream creatures.

Razortooth happily slurps down the noodles and _grins_ at Adam. It’s such a Ronan look that Adam can’t help but laugh. He takes a picture and sends it to Ronan: _look a like contest winner_. Ronan texts back a picture of him making an inappropriate hand gesture.

“Ronan, I can’t keep a possum in my dorm room. She’s got to go and I can’t drive back to Virginia for,” he checks his calendar, “at least a month.”

“She’ll be fine,” Ronan says, all dismissive. “Just leave some cat food out on your window sill and you’ll never know she’s there.” Before Adam can protest further Ronan hangs up.

Razortooth ambles across Adam’s desk, nosing her way into a mug of pens, picking out a yellow highlighter to chew on. Adam watches with a mixture of horror and amusement as the possum roots around his room and then nestles down in his laundry hamper. There’s no way this is going to work out.

If Razortooth had been a normal possum and not a dream creature her presence in the college dorms would have been a catastrophe. But instead of causing chaos she brings a little bit of magic back into Adam’s life. She curls up around his ankles while he studies (and chews his shoelaces), she steals small things from his roommates and hides them in improbable locations (Chris’s post it notes are found in Topher’s box of condoms), and she brings Adam acorns and leaves and sticks. When Adam Skypes with Ronan Razortooth climbs up on his shoulders and hisses and chitters away until Adam has to shut her in the closet for being too loud. On rare nights when he takes a break from studying to read or watch a movie the little possum will come sit on his chest or curl up at his feet. Adam takes so many pictures of her that he starts an Instagram (with all clues about his identity and college left out) and it gains a pretty big following.

By the time Adam goes back to the Barns he and Razortooth have established a very real bond. He’s started to understand all of her weird hisses and growls. He affectionately calls her “varmit” and gets downright countrified (well, more like cowboy western) when holding conversations with her. Ronan nearly dies the first time he catches Adam lecturing Razortooth on when she has to eat her greens: “I know this one little gal who ain’t never ate her greens and she’s a pygmy tyrant. You don’t want to be no pygmy tyrant, amiright?” Razortooth hisses and noses at the collard greens, grimacing with every bite. “Good, I’m right proud of you.”

When Adam goes back to college he and Razortooth reenact every boy and his dog scene, complete with fake tears and “go on now, git!” Adam thinks he’s left her behind but she’s a sneaky bastard and hitches a ride in the trunk.

Ronan finally admits, on a late night call after Adam is back at school, that he dreamed up Razortooth to be Adam’s.

“Oh, you asshole,” Adam says, fondly.

Ronan laughs quietly. “Right back at you, Parrish.”

**Author's Note:**

> Just FYI: this post is meant to be facetious, I am definitely not saying that having a pet possum is a good idea (it’s illegal in some states) or that you should have one live in your dorm. THAT IS A TERRIBLE IDEA. Razortooth is a product of Ronan Lynch and is therefore one of a kind! Also, there are variant spellings of varmit (i.e. varmint) but this is the spelling used in my neck of the woods so there you go.
> 
> You can find me on tumblr @dkafterdark


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